Many times, we are not aware of how habits affect our lives. Day after day we are finding faults in everything.
From weather, economy, noisy neighbours or bad drivers, there is never a shortage of complainers.
When you become aware of this behaviour, you can change.
Complaining
Complaining is a consistent but not very constructive habit. It’s born out of frustration and lack of ability to fix the problem. The following quote made me think: “If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.” ~ Eldridge Cleaver
These are signs that you might be complaining too much:
• You voice your disapproval without trying to find a solution
• You live a life of regrets and resentment
• You have a negative outlook on life
If you want to revamp your commitment to become more optimistic, try the following tips to cut down on complaining:
Activate social circle
Having friends with similar life interests is a great stress reliever. Be grateful for friends who see the glass half full, instead of half empty. Also, laughter is a great way to cut down on complaining. Stop taking yourself seriously. Laugh at yourself. You can’t be gloomy and laugh at the same time.
Criticizing
Whatever the reason, well-intended or not, there is a lot of criticism in the workplace, schools and homes. We all can agree that criticism does not change people’s behaviour. Instead, it creates animosity and anger on the part of the person criticized.
People in positions of authority have to be very careful when delivering helpful feedback. They may have your best intentions when offering feedback, but the other person might interpret it as a put-down.
Criticism or feedback?
Criticism focuses on what’s wrong. Feedback focuses on improvement. Criticism points out the worst about somebody. Feedback focuses on behaviour. Feedback concentrates on encouragement and teamwork. The best problem-solving technique is to offer your help with a smile.
Catastrophizing
If your day consists of being in turmoil over the smallest life problems and concerns, you might be catastrophizing. When faced with life challenges, we might let our creative minds drift into a state of worst-case scenarios.
This is so true for some mothers of teenagers who tend to worry about their children’s safety to the point of thinking about their funeral arrangements.
Catastrophizing examples
You made a mistake at work. Instead of looking at it as no big deal, you might start to worry.
“I’m going to lose my job.”
“This is going to ruin my life.”
While many people would consider it a small inconvenience, some would become anxious and overwhelmed with fear.
When you notice that you’re beginning to worry, mentally tell yourself to stop. This might break the pattern of your catastrophizing and shift your focus to something helpful or neutral.
Transformational coach Ranka Burzan owns a professional organizing company in the qathet region and has written several books on reducing clutter. For more information, email [email protected].
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