You might have heard me use the term “sex positive” in my writing or in speaking with me. It’s a term I use fairly often because it is an important part of how I approach not only my coaching practice, but also my life as a whole.
I identify as a sex-positive person and really appreciate being part of a community of people who share that identity and understand the importance of what it stands for. Sex positivity is different and more than simply being into sex (although that can definitely be part of it).
Sex positivity has a lot to do with maintaining an open mind, being educated about sexuality related topics and having a positive approach to all expressions of sexuality (yours and others, even if those things are different from one another), so long as those expressions are safe, sane and consensual.
The last part is probably one of the most important parts of all. Anyone who is involved with you in those moments must be of sound mind in order to give consent (and revoke it, when need be), aware of any safety concerns and take appropriate precautions when necessary to keep everyone involved safe. And, of course, anything that happens that involves another person (or people) must be consensual.
Coming back to sex positivity, it does not mean you personally must partake in all expressions of sexuality to be considered a sex-positive person (but you can if you wish, I won’t judge). What it really means is if you love vanilla ice cream, your friend likes chocolate chip mint and your other friend loves cookies and cream, you all just agree that ice cream is awesome and you are happy for your friends to have the ice-cream flavour they love.
Maybe you do not like the taste of chocolate chip mint, however, there is nothing wrong with your friend loving the refreshing mint in their favourite flavour. Maybe you really enjoy eating your ice cream with strangers and maybe another friend of yours does not like ice cream.
Perhaps you eat ice cream exclusively with females. Maybe, even on occasion, you like to get dressed up in leather, lace or latex while being hand-fed your ice cream.
Whatever it is, however you like it and whoever you like it with, I won’t yuck your yum. It’s all awesome and I celebrate it all.
Niseema Emery is a certified intimacy and relationship coach in Powell River.
